WINDOWS

Windows

Dedicated to A and A (May 2013)

The glass between my world and yours often too hot to touch.
Inferno of pain twisting knots below the cool surface.
Too close to the abyss too many times:
Treading lose stones
Gazing into the depth with longing
Reaching to caress the rising heat.
And yet-
Always the resistant retreat.
Leaving me breathless and exhausted.
Leaving you with both regrets and new strength.
Helpless I watched as neither falls of rain
Nor chemical foam extinguished the eruption
of your dance on the volcano.
Seductive and repellant
Your dance with death.
Your dance with life.
And then one day the window transformed.
An angel sent to your darkness
A change in light revealed the jewel glare: 
Sun kissing stained glass.
And from the pyre 
A phoenix rising
As you smile into your daughter’s wise eyes. 
Your fingers touch hers.
And she guides you into the sunrise of hope. 

THE RIDE

Author's note: not written for myself at all but dedicated to my eternal inspiration. Or two of them... :)

THE RIDE

Hot and cold-

Dressing for your climate zone – an impossible endeavor

Will I drown in the waterfall of your tears

Or be incinerated by the hell of crimson fury?

Azure redemption, rebirth, eternal fountain of youth 

Or Scalding verdict of eternal damnation 

Shortening my lifeline to a bleeding stump on my arm?

One day, dehydrated to the point of dust 

The next, oversaturated like a greedy sponge by salvation of your nurturing love.

Nauseated to the point of epileptic disorientation

I turn and swear to pull the escape hatch 

Shaky, sweaty finger reach out-

Damning liberation at my grasp,

Before, beguiled by the colors and the melody,

I willingly shackle my heart to the carousel,

Throw back my head

And laugh tears of agony.

Eva

Author's note:
Dedicated to my stepmother and friend. Who left us last year. I did hold on to this on purpose as I was pretty raw when I wrote it.



EVA

I met you and hated your playful beauty. 

Sitting in my father’s lap resenting his sunshine warming your bright sky-like eyes.

The rays of his smile bouncing off your dark curls in flittering flashes of fire.

You wanted to fix my hair- and I would rather have gone bald.

Now, what I would not give to have you give me that poodle perm one more time.

I watched you laugh, I watched you cry…I watched you look at those two children you suddenly had enter your life with befuddled amazement.

Your young life had been dark and marred by horrible shadows.

Of course, I was too young to comprehend then-

Too innocent to know why my father embracing his two children in his lap

Caused you to turn and hide a fear I never had to know.

The love I felt for you grew unnoticed. As you danced with me,

Sang with me,

Styled my Barbie’s hair for hours on end with me.

The birth of a second family, a second home.

Safety and love taken for granted…

Days at the pool, days hiking, days listening to music, or playing cards.

I grew up and you were there as a friend.

When I left, how could I have known the explosion that would leave everything in shards 

Was looming in the grey thunderous clouds?

You danced at my wedding – then the bell tolled and your life took a sharp turn.

Time raced by…what a weak, cowardly excuse for allowing people to slip from our grasp, if not our hearts.

Now, having been told you chose to wake up in another world, on a safer shore,

Memories pour like rain, flooding the screen of my mind with pearls and pellets. 

I hope you woke to blissful sunshine in a place that will treat you with gentle appreciation.

And I wish that you will know with that unfailing understanding lacking in our current, shackled form,

That a piece of my heart went with you.

Heaven Knows...

Dedicated to my poor, long suffering husband. Originally written Valentine's Day 2012- but still true today. And always.

Heaven knows why you put up with me…

I know my sparkling smile and kick ass …-boots are among the many reasons.

But seriously?

There are days when I fear with deafening clarity that 

My high maintenance is in danger of being kicked off as a line item on your patience budget.

But then I catch a secret glance you try to sneak by…

I somehow get hold of the way you smile at me in the morning

When you think I am too drunk by my dreams to notice.

Or, I unwrap the knowledge how you indulge my addiction with a patient sigh like the sweetest treat-

As you find a place on the living room wall for the evidence of my madness.

When without any reason other than ‘just because’ you suddenly look up 

To tell me I am the most beautiful woman you have ever seen.

Those are the times I know with such absolute certainty that you love me.

Despite the crazy, the moods, the bitch-factor…

And I send a little prayer up into the blue, lofty place beyond reason and logic.

Because heaven only knows why you love me.

Despite me keeping these words from you too often:

Thank you.

I love you.

The Veiled Bird

The veiled bird 

In a magical kingdom, a bird sat on a branch, her eyes directed in sad subjection toward  the mirror providing the invisible cage of her soul.

"If only I was not so bleak looking. I'm an aberration of nature in this magical, vibrant kingdom."

The thought supplied another layer of weigh flattening her already crushed spirit.

"My eyes are so dull and without life. My feathers are faded and bedraggled."

As if needing confirmation, she tried to spread her wings, only to have them trapped and restricted by the ashen veil covering her whole being.

"I'll never fly like the other birds. Never leave traces of rainbows.  I'm doomed to sit right here, hidden mercifully by this shroud supplied by those who first recognized my abhorrent existence.

Emitting a soulful shriek, the bird recalled the totality of the agony plastering the bleak and worn road of her miserable life. 

On a nearby branch, unnoticed by the mourner of the incomplete demise, another bird sat, admiring the soulful song and the graceful dance of despair.

"What a beautiful sad song. I feel her pain...it pierces my heart. If only I could provide relief!"

The bird called out, announcing his presence.

No answer was received. So, the unnoticed companion, spellbound by a metallic ray of sun rendering the first bird bathed in a cloak of light and splendid color shining through the veil, stayed put, waiting to be received by an open, bleeding heart.

After a small eternity, the first bird ceased its indulgent, self-castigating dance.

Her eyes fell on the patient visitor.

"What's wrong with you? Why are you here, sitting with one as ugly and miserable as me? I was outcast by my parents, have no friends.  Life itself placed a curse on me. Can't you see I'm shackled to this mirror and this veil?"

Not being able to detect any bonds, the visitor replied cheerfully:

"I heard your song, observed your dance, and it drove me to seek you out. I noticed the resplendent colors of your feathers and their unique, vibrant beauty. Come with me! Leave this veil and this mirror. I can show you the splendor of life- and you will find the beauty I see in you."

"You are deluded! Why are you trying to trick me with your lies? If I believe you and throw off this veil, I will be naked, cold, and vulnerable. If I leave the mirror, I might forget how truly abhorrent I am.  I will get lost in the reflection of what others see."

With that, the bird turned back to its mirror, every now and then flapping her wings, injuring them further in the barbs contained in the veil.

For a long time, the visitor stayed on the branch, braving hunger, cold, and loneliness.

Finally, leaving behind a shimmering tear, it flew off, needing to sustain its own life.

After another while, the first bird turned and noticed she was once again alone.

"Here we go again. Alone." A silver sigh lifted on the gentle breeze like the feather of a fallen angel.

The veil became darker, heavier, and, shivering, the bird wrapped herself tighter into its lulling comfort against the frigid setting of the sun.

Author's note:  To all those amazing birds whose beauty enriches my existence.

BEL

10-23-12

photo from:

 http://www.rukshanahooda.com/galary.php?id=93&pgno=4

These Are the Days

These Are the Days

Author's note: A day early (or several hours, depending on where you are... :)

(in gratitude for the gift of Michael- Happy Birthday!)

The brilliant Sundays we reach up, glittering rays sprinkling our parents’ smile in gold.

The moment we hold full of pride the paper scroll, flashes blinding us, our own pride reflected and magnified in the surrounding sea.

The instant of the first tender touch, the first consuming kiss, the first fumbling awakening.

The affirmation and the promise- sacred bonds weaving a new fold.

The first flutter of the butterfly,  

The agonizing, and quickly forgotten, explosion of purest joy at that first cry.

The first view of the ocean, the last glance of the dying sun.

The fin of the dolphin and the feather of the eagle.

The peace of the wind whispering secrets of old,

The red hot gold erupting from secret depths, creating, destroying.

The last good bye, the sacred tear, the cold hand slipping from human grasp-

The survival of love, engraved in eternity.

These are the days we remember.

Etched as hieroglyphs of laughter, joy, love, pain, tears, and loss into the bark of our hearts,

Forming the rings of our soul.

These are the days we bow our heads in gratitude for we were granted a day, an hour, a moment.

A glimpse of the divine plan.

Thought to be gone by the careless.

Held in infinity by the open heart.

August 28, 2012

ETERNITY

ETERNITY

Author's Note: I wrote this Feb 25, 2012, but tinkered with it until today as it never felt quite right. 3 years missing Michael. And I know not everyone understands, but those who do REALLY do... As we cry and remember, take a moment to listen and see- he is right here in every kernel of creation.

 

Riding along the brilliant ray of sparkling sunlight,

Resonating in the sweeping melodic song of the birds,

Caressing ivory planes of  ivory sand and soft dunes of saffron desserts alike.

Erupting in the brilliant laughter of a child

Or flooding the soft cheeks of the broken lover.

Eternity- a vast span of time to be missed

An infinite range to assemble back into the divine kaleidoscope of music and color.

In the blink of an eye we were dazzled.

In the blink of an eye we thought you lost.

As I close my eyes and see beyond colors,

Shut out the noise and listen beyond waves of sound

Eternity is revealed

As you soar free in immutable glory,

For eternity. 

(BEL 2012)